0421am. I’m up. I’ve written and deleted line upon line of nonsense. Makes me wonder why the opening line is the hardest part. The opening line is the important part because the opening line is what will capture the audience. As much as I’d love to get stuck into the meatier depths of the meal with all the important nutrients, I’d never consider having a meal if it doesn’t look good. Kinda like women, sure personality is the most important thing BUT I can’t be considered shallow if I said that her beauty was the first thing to catch my eye. All the other stuff came later.

Not really sure what my point was but I should be sleeping already. I’ve got an important meeting at midday.

Ghost.

Crazy how you replay a looped thought around your head to the point of never being able to sleep. My mind is riddled with so much troubles, so much distress and unrest, a few regrets and a whole lot of what ifs, should ofs and could be.

Quite strange how particular points of the year I begin to feel muddled, it seems like my brain can never relax because when it knows something’s wrong it send shock wave of resistance to every realm of my existence. I keep saying that something needs to change but something drastic has to happen. I can’t keep brushing things to the sides of my desk and expecting my problems to be solved, I need to be proactive and make a bold move somehow. As much as I tell myself to bide my time, the very things I desire move further and further away. I could say it’ll happen in its own time and if it was meant to be it’ll be but I’ve been saying that and waltzing through life with that frame of mind for far to long.

I remember a moment in time where if I didn’t like something I’d cut it out but as I’ve grown I’ve become more soft. I’ve somehow trained myself to tolerate the things I don’t like and in return have become complacent. It’s a scary set of affairs that I need to work my way out of by retraining my mind to think and be in at the total opposite polarity.

I’ve got dreams desires and aspirations but the more I rest on my laurels and not take my gifts seriously because they seem to come so easy will be nothing short of my downfall.

Ghost.